I'm not gonna lie...this one's bad. Like, seriously, this review convinced me that "Working Man Gamer" has no idea what he's talking about. Yup, it's him again. You know you have serious problems when the guy reviewing Sonic '06 has the most valid points (and that's just the camera!). There's no point delaying it...this is FFG's review of Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
WMG starts out by telling us that this game teaches the player "get them before they get you."
Well, at least they're getting that 'video games must teach life lessons' crap out of the way early.
We are then told the point of the game (ringing out the opponent) and that various Nintendo characters are playable. WMG also mentions that Nintendo partnered with Sega and Konami for extra characters.
Um, no they didn't. Partnering would imply that Sega and Konami helped develop the game. In actuality, Nintendo just got permission to use their characters. There's a pretty big difference.
WMG then tells us that the graphics have "gone down the path of the dark side," and that every returning character now has a darker look.
Yeah, because Kirby and Pikachu just look downright menacing in Brawl!
After mentioning Sonic and Snake, WMG then says that Snake is from a violent series and that he doesn't fit in with the rest of the cast, then completely changing the subject and mentioning the single-player mode out of nowhere.
The whole point of a crossover is that you get completely different characters together! There's supposed to be dissonance in their looks. Line up pictures of Mario, Link and Samus and tell me that they'd all look normal standing in a room together!
It seems that the people at FFG can only say good things about a game's music, as they once again praise the game's soundtrack, like in the Sonic '06 and Marvel Ultimate Alliance reviews. However, another mainstay of their reviews is complaining about sound effects. They say that you can expect to hear characters grunt and scream as they die, and that characters like Kirby have "fun sounds" that seem odd amongst the violence.
It's a fighting game! Of course characters will grunt and scream when they're getting their asses kicked! His complaint about the "fun sounds" also goes right out the window when you remember that this is, once again, a crossover. That is the point!
We now get an explanation of Brawl's extra features, including the online mode and stage creator. WMG also says that Nintendo "included their normal amount of unlockable content."
What on earth does that even mean?! Does that mean that all Nintendo games have 30+ unlockable characters?! If I play The Legend Of Zelda: Skyward Sword long enough, will I unlock Wolf from Star Fox?! Explain what you mean!
Almost done, almost done...okay, WMG says that the controls are simple, and that a "button masher going psycho" will be able to win most fights.
Yeah, fight Tabuu on any difficulty like that, just randomly mashing buttons. Go on, I freaking dare you.
He then says that the lesson the game teaches is "go crazy and you win."
Uh...no, everyone has their own fighting style, not everyone goes crazy. I prefer to keep on the offensive, but I know a guy who prefers to dodge constantly and wait for openings. It's all a matter of preference. Of course, this guy probably went through the game beating on the controller like he was trying to snap it in half.
WMG whines that the controls on the Wii aren't as good as the "Gamecube version."
Does he mean the controls aren't as good as Melee's? Because you can use the Gamecube controller, y'know. Or does he mean that the Wii Remote controls aren't as good as the Gamecube controllers? Or, hell, is he implying that there's a version of Brawl for the Gamecube? Seriously, be more clear when you say things!
Okay, last paragraph, you can do this, Random! WMG says that there are "anti-family people calling Super Smash Bros Brawl a family friendly video game."
Anti-family? Seriously? That doesn't even make sense! Are there people crusading against marriage and human reproduction? Do you think that there's some conspiracy to try to get all families doing things that aren't "family friendly?" I don't even...I have no words. This makes so little sense, I have no words. I'm done. All he says after this is that the game should only be played by adults (that's total bullcrap) and that he wants Nintendo to let the series die.
Oh, for the love of ARCEUS, this is bad! All this guy did was complain about the violence any chance he got! He was incredibly vague about anything not relating to that single, main point. He seems to have it in his head that if a game so much as shows someone throwing a punch, that it's like forcing your children to watch freaking SAW! Chill out, dude! When I was a kid, my uncle showed me Duke Nukem 64 and one of my favorite games was Outlaws for the PC. I played the original Smash Bros any chance I got, and there's nothing wrong with me, nor the other hundreds of people who played any game like Smash Bros! It's not "anti-family" and it isn't gratuitously violent. Just calm down a bit.
And so ends the first request post I've ever done. Another shout-out to KUKEDUKE for the suggestion, and if anyone else has a request, tell me, and I'll be sure to get back to you on it.
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