Superheroes Use Violence?! You Don't Say!

This week we're in for a treat, people. This review was, according to the page, written by the "Working Man Gamer" himself. Who's the Working Man Gamer? Hell if I know! I'm serious, I can't find any information on the site. They don't say who he is, so one can only assume that, given he has his own section on the site, that he's a pretty important guy when it comes to FFG. As such, we can expect his review of Marvel Ultimate Alliance to be informed and thorough, right? ...Right...?

We start out with the usual crap, saying that this review is of a highly anticipated game, and that the WMG is reviewing the 360 version of the game.
Fun fact: Although he's admitting that he is only talking about the 360 version, this review is also listed in the PS3 and Wii sections of the site. Oh, and aside from the review being listed in those sections, he gives us no indication in the review itself what other consoles the game is available for.

He then says that the game is a "hack and slash where the hack has been replaced by punch, and the slash by kick."
So, a beat-'em-up? That's kinda what it's called. Also, the game is a hack-and-slash. Lots of characters use weapons! Deadpool, Blade, Elektra, Wolverine, the list goes on. The terms are largely interchangeable here. He does mention Wolverine and his claws, but just for a cheap joke about there being "a lot of slashing going on."

He then notes that game has a plethora of Marvel heroes and villains, an that Doctor Doom is the main villain, and follows this up by saying that this shouldn't be a surprise.
Why not? The main villain could be Galactus, or the Skrulls, or, hell, even Magneto if they wanted to (though that'd be a stretch).

WMG praises the game's top down style, but then complains about how the graphics in the levels are dark. I can't tell if he's talking about tone or actual lighting issues, since he doesn't clarify, so let's move on. He then gripes about the female characters' clothing, like everyone else on this site! He then says that the game has a lot of violence and that it gets boring quick.
The game is a hack. And. Slash. Of course there's going to be violence! That's like complaining that there's too much racing in Mario Kart!

He then describes the sounds as sounding "majestic" and that they make you feel like you accomplished something. I have to say, for once, I agree with this guy. The souds and music in Marvel Ultimate Alliance make you feel like a total badass. Then he immediately loses my respect again by noting bad language and that "certain characters teach bad lessons while a few teach good ones."

The game's rated 'T,' and if I recall, characters swear in comics, too. And the game's not meant to teach lessons! If you want appropriate language and morals, just play as Captain America, not freaking Deadpool!

He then notes that the different characters bring variety and that the game has a lot of level up options for people who like the system. However, he again says that the game has offensive content and that fighting waves of identical mooks gets boring.
You said this before. Stating the same point multiple times doesn't make it more correct.

The penultimate "paragraph," if you can call it that, is the shortest yet. We're told that the game "controls like it should..."
What in the name of Malpercio does that mean?!
It means he's being vague. Moving on, he says that a problem with the controls is that knowing where to go is a challenge, and that most players will just stumble on where to go after a while.
Or they could, you know, follow the waypoints on the map. Just sayin'. And what does that have to do with the controls?

And we are finally at the end of this. WMG says that while saving the world is good, being violent is not, and that the game has enough inappropriate content that children shouldn't play it. He finishes the review by saying that there should be "less violence and more puzzles" if there were to be a sequel (which there is).
The game's bloodless! Seriously, even the weapon-wielding characters just appear to bludgeon enemies, not slice them! Not to mention that most of your opponents are robots, fantasy creatures of supervillains! And a hack-and-slash needs violence, that's the point of the game! That's like saying Portal should let you bust out an AK to shoot GLaDOS! He deducted a full 33% from the graphics score for the female characters (none of which he named) and the violence, without telling us how the graphics themselves looked! Look, I know my opinion probably doesn't matter much, but this game is not that bad in terms of violence. It's a fun, nerdy hack-and-slash that lets you play as your favorite Marvel characters. Harsh language is sparse, but present and the combat is easy to learn and simple enough to let anyone pick up and play. The graphics are decent by 360 standards (and pretty mediocre on the Wii) and the music is epic, though repetitive at times. The story is engaging and has several side quests you can do, along with missions that recreate events in the actual comics. There, I just gave you a better review in 4 sentences than this shmuck gave us in 6 paragraphs. Oh, and split-screen multiplayer. I recommend the 360 version. Okay, enough of this multi-console stuff. Maybe these guys would like a Nintendo exclusive game a bit better. How about...Brawl? (Shout out to KUKEDUKE for giving me the suggestion).