A Review That's Actually Decent?! SORCERY!!!

I've been meaning to do this one for a while, to be honest. It just kinda floated in Limbo until DynamiteNinja requested it be done. I appreciate any requests that my readers have to offer, so if you want me to look at an particular FFG review, all you have to do is speak up. Without further ado, let's dive right into FFG's review of one of my personal favorite games, Mega Man 9.

Remember Sam, from the Batman: Arkham Asylum review? Turns out he also produced this review. Great. Sam starts out by saying that Mega Man 9 is a legitimate sequel to the classic series (okay, I'll give him that) and that Mega Man fans "may not have been the most patient as they waded through Mega Man X, Mega Man Battle Network and more.
Oh no, you are not going to bust on Mega Man X! X4 and X8 are 2 of my favorite Mega Man games!

He then states that the game brings back the old school style and that you can download it on Wii, PS3 and 360 for 10 bucks. Okay, nothing too bad so far.

Sam notes that the game's visuals are reminiscent of the NES, and he gets some bonus points for knowing  what NES actually stands for (Nintendo Entertainment System). He does mention that it looks better than any NES game. He for some reason starts talking about how Mega Mega is a robot that fights other robots, but then segues that into praise for the game's bright colors, like in the boss explosions.
Are we sure this is the same guy? He seems a lot more coherent than in the Arkham Asylum review.
They're either not the same guy or he has less problems and less to complain about with The Blue Bomber than he did with Bats.
Indeed.

The next paragraph starts out with Sam complimenting the game's 8-bit sounds and music, and that it reminds him of his childhood.
I think an FFG reviewer just pulled a Crowning Moment of Heartwarming...o_o
Everybody gets one, I guess.

And now he gets to the reason most players, myself included, play classic Mega Man - the challenge. Sam explains that Mega Man 9 will challenge the player and that one must be competitive to beat it. he then shows that he actually knows what he;s talking about by explaining the Mega Man formula.
Before anyone attacks me for being a hypocrite, let me explain why this is okay, but explaining the Pokemon and Zelda formulas was something to complain about. The way I see it, Mega Man is not as widely played or known as Pokemon or Zelda. If you ask any random person to describe Pokemon, their answer will probably involve catching monsters and fighting with them. Everyone knows this. Similarly, if you ask a gamer what Zelda is about, even if they don't play Zelda, you'll probably get an answer that could apply to most of the games - princess is captured, go save her. However, since most modern gamers, in my eyes, do not know Mega Man as well, I feel this explanation of Mega Man was somewhat justified.

Ooooookaaaay...now that that's over...Sam wraps up by saying that Mega Man 9 teaches the player to solve problems with violence, but that it also teaches to practice your skills (referring to the Robot Master weapons) and to stand up to evil.  This review was written before Mega Man 10 was announced, and Sam wonders if there will be a Mega Man 10. He says that if you like a challenge you should give Mega Man 9 a try.

To be honest...this was pretty good. The only problem I had with it was Sam mentioning that the game teaches the player to use violence, and his unwarranted potshot at the X and Battle Network series. Other than that, it wasn't that bad. If anyone else has a request, feel free to mention it. Otherwise, next week will just be a random review from my list.

Late Night...Double Feature...Review Show...

Damn, that title sucks. Anyway, it's been, what, 4 weeks since I've posted? Sorry about that, guys, I've been bogged down with work and other matters. But now I'm back, and I'm making it up to you big time with this post. I'll be looking at 2 reviews from FFG this time, and as an added bonus, they're both written by our old friend, the Working Man Gamer. Let's start out with the first one I stumbled upon: Ninja Gaiden Black.

WMG starts out by saying that they get a lot of requests, but that "games like Ninja Gaiden Black" are given lower priority because not a lot of reviewers want to "subject themselves to such bad content."
Oh, I can already tell he'll be impartial and unbiased towards this game!
He then wonders if they're listening to "worldly wisdom. and ignoring God's wisdom."

Unsurprisingly, WMG then goes on to complain about the violence, and says that there are women dressed inappropriately.
Yeah, like Rachel, and....Rachel! No, seriously, I've played Ninja Gaiden Sigma and I checked online. As far as I can tell, Ninja Gaiden 1 only has one female character dressed revealingly. Ayane wears full ninja garb and one of the only other main female characters is the girl who dies in the second mission (her name is Kureha, apparently).

Moving on, WMG goes on a tirade about how immature this content is and asks when games will show women as more than just "sexual objects for immature teenage males to lust after."
Go play Metroid Prime, Halo Reach or Baten Kaitos Origins. They all have strong, badass, non-sexualized female main characters.

Following this rant is a small complaint about the camera and a mention of the graphics being "okay." This part isn't too infuriating, but he could at least explain a bit about what he means.
Being nice now, are we?
I'm saving my rage for when we'll need it.

The next paragraph is a giant bitch-fest about the game's eastern religious ideology, the presence of demons and foul language. He then says the music is "okay," and...y'know what? I'll let you read this for yourself.
" The music is okay, but nowhere near the WMG had been led to believe by those who worship this game. This is only a video game and no one should be worshipping it."
IT'S A GAME! THERE IS NOBODY WORSHIPING THIS GAME! JUST BECAUSE IT HAS A LOYAL FANBASE DOESN'T MEAN WE'RE PRAYING TO THE FREAKING THING, YOU INSANE DUMBASS! (Also, he spelled "worshiping" wrong.)


Dude, chill. WMG's next complaint is about the controls, saying that they "make little sense" and that "it is important for the controls to work flawlessly" in a game that "requires constant mega violent  fighting." He notes this as the reason why it's so difficult and that he had no fun playing it.
Uh, no, the difficulty is intentional. It's not the controls' fault, you just need to practice. Also, if you hate violence so much, then why do you complain when a game prevents you from committing violence? As a final point, you people really don't grasp the point of a hack-and-slash, do you?

Last paragraph! WMG finishes off by saying that Ninja Gaiden is a "classic example of a video game that the world calls good" and that "the wisesy worldly person is a fool compared to God's wisdom" (as if that's somehow relevant.). He says to avoid Ninja Gaiden Black and that it was a chore to play, review and "pray about" this game.
What. Why...the...FFFFFFFFF-HELL?! WOULD YOU PRAY FOR A VIDEO GAME?! DIDN'T YOU SAY BEFORE THAT "WORSHIPING" IT WAS WRONG?! ISN'T PRAYING FOR IT KINDA ALONG THE SAME LINES? My god, this guy's an idiot! I'm glad this review's over with.

This next review is one that's gonna hit home for me - it's a review of Final Fantasy X. Final Fantasy X was my first Final Fantasy game and remains my favorite in the series. I love the setting, the gameplay, the characters, everything about it.  That's why you can probably expect some rather strong reactions to this next one. 

 We start on a predictable joke about the Final Fantasy series never being "final" and how games keep being released for it. WMG then says that a common complaint is all the games have the same story about a group of rebels fighting a corrupt, evil government.
Except, y'know, Final Fantasy III, Final Fantasy V, Final Fantasy VII (Shinra isn't a government, they're a corporation, and they aren't even the main villain), Final Fantasy IV: The After Years, Final Fantasy X-2, Dissidia Final Fantasy, Dissidia Duodecim Final Fantasy...need i go on?


He explains the plot of the game, mentioning the main points like Sin, summoners and their pilgrimage, and the Church of Yevon. What he fails to mention is the names of the main characters, and this will be important later.


WMG starts praising the graphics and that the CGI movies, even today, are nice-looking. To be honest, I agree. He continues being predictable by mentioning "seductively dressed" female characters (Arguable, but there's a minor point there) and that death is not permanent. He then says that Seymour takes forever to get rid of. 
Huh, a few valid points there. I may have been wrong, maybe WMG might pull through and make this a good review after all!

The next paragraph is all about the sounds, and while he complains about the language as he always does, he compliments the music. 
Again, I agree. "A Fleeting Dream" is beautiful and Otherworld may be one of the most metal things I've ever heard come out of Final Fantasy.

The side quests are mentioned as giving the player more time with the game and that they add replay value. WMG then praises the Sphere Grid system and that the idea of opening locks and have characters learn each others' skills was "a real treat."
Holy crap! This guy actually knows what he's doing! This is the best review from him!
He then wonders if the game really is worth the money he paid for it, since it has "offensive material.
You're joking.
WMG then praises the controls, but complains about the summoning of aeons and the use of magic.
Oh, come on, man! You were doing so well! Don't ruin it now!
  
He then details the role of the summoners and that Yuna has to send people to the afterlife, mentioning that these scenes very troublesome. WMG also complains that the church lying was a problem he had with the game.
You're...really not gonna stop reading this off to me, are you? You're doing this to torture me, aren't you?
I might be. WMG finishes off by saying that Yevon was meant as an attack on
the church" (I assume he means Christianity) and that there was no point in dressing the women the way they did. His final point is praising the "unrealized" love between Tidus and Yuna...
He never even mentioned their names! How's someone who hasn't played supposed to know who they are! And what does he mean, "unrealized?!" They make out halfway into the game! 
...and the last thing he mentions is that there were interesting concepts, like someone being a dream and "the cost of sacrifices."
Way to ruin the plot twist, you stupid bag of stupid...STUPID!!! Wow, I ran out of words. He didn't even tell us whether to buy the game or not. We got one, single vague mention of that in the middle, and then nothing. He didn't explain some of his points, and he focused way too much on the magic and the church of Yevon. It's not a shot at Christianity, buddy! There are more religions than the one you practice! Ignoring that, though, this review certainly wasn't his worst. WMG made some legitimate praises of the game and seemed to be able to appreciate some of the concepts, even if he did overreact to the religious aspects.

Of these two reviews, I'd have to say that the Ninja Gaiden Black one is the worse of the two. The Final Fantasy X review made some fair, legitimate arguments, while the Ninja Gaiden Black review was just endless complaining over flaws that he either exaggerated or just simply didn't exist.