WHERE IS YOUR ARCEUS NOW?!

They reviewed Pokemon Black and White.

And here I thought they couldn't get any worse. I mean, say what you want about WMG, at least he somewhat explains his complaints. I mean...hoo boy! This guy makes no attempt to explain what he's talking about, and for a review, that's pretty bad. I'll give them a little credit - at least they didn't say Pokemon promoted the theory of evolution or Nazism. Yes, people have said this.

"Pokemon Black and Pokemon White are essentially the same game."
*facepalm* First sentence. That was the first freaking sentence. Strap in people - this is gonna hurt.

Our reviewer, Paul, explains that the games only differ in that in Black, you catch Reshiram and fight Zekrom, and that in White, it's reversed. He then goes on to explain the Pokemon formula, and says that if you've played any other Pokemon games, you won't be too surprised by the games. Paul then explains that you don't have a rival in this game, but rather two friends who follow you around, and that it's "more like the cartoon."
This guy thinks that the GAMES are based on the ANIME?! Ow, my head hurts...Never mind the fact that, yes, you DO have a rival! Both Cheren and Biance are your rivals. That's like saying that you don't have a rival in Ruby, Sapphire and Emerald because you battle both Wally and May.

Paul then says that this generation added 150 new Pokemon (correction: 156) and that you have to beat the game before "bringing in" Pokemon from other games, but that after you beat that game, you're free to bring over Pokemon like Celebi.
2 things -
1. You don't need to beat the game to bring over an event Celebi from HG/SS. There's a place you can do that earlier in the game.
2. If he wasn't talking about the event, then who in their right mind would bring over Celebi, of all things? If anyone, most players I know import their Mewtwos, previous Gen starters and (in my case) a Deoxys. Celebi's kind of a wimp.

We are then told that the graphics have strong points and that there are certain scenes that show off the graphics. (The opening, ending and any bridge spring to mind), and that...there are tall buildings. That's it. He mentions that we can enter tall buildings.
What purpose did that serve?
None whatsoever. Paul starts complaining about the violence, and for no reason begins explaining the battle system. What? He finishes off the second paragraph by mentioning that while many Pokemon are cute, some are "hideous,' pointing out the Ghost and Psychic types.
Yes, because Gothitelle and Golett and simply terrifying to behold. At least point out which Pokemon you think are hideous! You'd probably get a lot of people agreeing with you if you mention Stunfisk...

And now for music. Paul says that the music is a "remix of standard Pokemon sounds..."
Huh? Do you mean that the music is composed of sounds the Pokemon make? (actually, that'd be kind of awesome.) Explain what you mean!
...And that you'll recognize familiar Pokemon music.
Uh, no...there are very few classic songs in Black and White.
Paul notes that level grinding is a major part of the gameplay and that it takes countless hours. He then out of nowhere starts talking about Team Plasma and...compares them to...okay, you just need to read this one.
"They remind me of the environmentalists who want all humans living in cities instead of living in harmony with nature."
Uh...I got nothin'. That collection of words has ceased to have meaning for me. It is as much a logical sentence as the church of Yevon is a legitimate religion.

How far are we...? HALFWAY THROUGH?! Be right back.
*bang*
*bang*
*bang*
*bang*
Okay, I'm back. My forehead will be red for a week, but other than that, I'm fine.

Anyway, let's continue. Paul says that Black and White have multiplayer, and that two to five people can play.
Wait, two to five?! The game's box says two to four! The Bulbapedia entry says two to four! Ten seconds on Google could tell you that! ...Dude, why is your forehead all red?

I fell down some stairs. After that travesty of math, Paul tells the poor souls still reading that the game is addictive, and that once you beat the game, the addiction diminishes. He spent $70 on both versions and felt he got his money's worth.
Finally, a comment that has some merit to it! For once, I agree!

Paul mentions he has one "quibble" (He's just making up words now!) against the game, and that it's the leveling up. I'll spare you an analysis of this solid block of pure stupid, I honestly doubt I could do it justice. All you need to know is that he wants Pokemon who weren't in the battle to gain EXP and that the current system just pads the game.
He's bitching about level grinding in an RPG! Is this man an alien? Seriously, nobody can review games and be this ignorant about them!

Paul wraps up by mentioning the evolution mechanic for no reason, and saying that the legendaries created the region (no they didn't) and he has no idea how they got these powers.
The same way Shedinja got semi-immortality and Wobuffet got the power to be ungodly annoying.

Paul mentions that Ghosts and Psychics are among the more powerful Pokemon in Black and White (really? Darmanitan and Excadrill say otherwise.) but that they have type weaknesses. He complains about multi-type Pokemon being annoying to fight, says he doesn't like Dark-Types...


And FINALLY ends by saying that the game requires basic reading skill and that it could be used to "assist in reading."
Or, y'know, keep small children/college students quiet in the car on a road trip. My GOD, was this wretched! He explained nothing, he made random points and had no structure to his review! He got basic facts wrong and he of course had to gripe about the Psychic, Dark and Ghost types! You're making Sableye and Gengar cry! There may not be a post next week people. This one was just...no words. I have no more words.