Family Friendly Gaming and Sonic '06...Great Combo...

With video games being one of the most popular entertainment media nowadays, it makes sense that various sites have popped up to review games, and tell you whether or not a certain game is worth your hard-earned money. Sites like IGN, Blistered Thumbs and Gamespot all exist to tell gamers which games are good and which should be avoided. However, there's always someone who doesn't quite "get" video games, and yet tries to seem like they do. This is one such instance - "Family Friendly Gaming." This website hosts game reviews which, I must admit, are laughably stupid. With these reviews showing research failure and incredibly strange judgements, I have taken it upon myself to pick them apart and show why these people have next to no idea what they're talking about.

Before I begin, allow me to note that, while the reviewers (as there appear to be several) often refer to God in their reviews and often base their assessments on religion, I have nothing against anyone of any faith. I myself am Christian and I harbor no ill will towards anyone of any other religion. With that being said, first up on the chopping block is WMG's review of Sonic The Hedgehog for the 360. For conveniences' sake, text from the original review will be in black, while my commentary is in blue. Why? 'Cause blue is freakin' awesome, that's why!

"Family Friendly Gaming #9 is chock full of all kinds of firsts. Welcome to the very first review of an Xbox 360 game in this fantastic publication. It would have been nice to start with a better game, but we go with what we are blessed with. This game reminds of the Dreamcast version of Sonic the Hedgehog being in full 3D, and having a town to talk to different people."
Uh, you mean Sonic Adventure? Because that was the first Sonic game to have those elements. 10 seconds on Google could have told you that the game was called Sonic Adventure!

"Dr. Eggman is back at his going after Chaos Emeralds again, and it is up to Sonic to stop him. In an interesting twist, Sonic is now saving a princess (something Mario was always known for)."
Wait, which is it? Is Sonic stopping Eggman from going after the Emeralds, or is he rescuing the princess? Oh, and you've got to love the grammar in that first sentence.

"A brand new character Silver is introduced."
And...?

"Graphically Sonic the Hedgehog is beautiful."
Wait, what? Dude, you can't talk about a new character, then just start talking about graphics! Tell us about Silver, what's his story about? What can he do? What does he have to do with Sonic, Eggman and the princess? You're giving your readers narrative whiplash!

"The graphics are generally very bright and colorful. The details of the people, backgrounds, and areas are done quite nicely. The upgrades to Sonic’s model are also noticeable. Cut scenes are just like watching a CGI created movie."
Maybe because a cutscene IS a CGI movie! That's like saying "reading 'Inheritance' is just like reading a fantasy novel."

"The down side is psychic powers are used visually by Silver."
How are the psychic powers a graphical problem? I've played this game, and Silver's telekinesis doesn't look bad! Or are you talking about how psychic powers are supposedly occult? Because they probably chose telekinesis because it's a common superpower.

"There is some fantasy violence as robots are done away with via player controlled attacks."
It's about as violent as Mario! Robots get knocked away and blow up, that's it. I'm surprised he's not bringing up the demons you fight in Crisis City (and a bunch of other places). Those could be considered violent.

"There is also some questionable attire worn by some of the female characters. The biggest problem with this game is the camera which is jerky, bounces, gets in the way, and generally causes a migraine."
There is exactly one female character dressed questionably, and that's Rouge. Both Elise and Amy wear dresses, and Elise appears to be wearing something over her legs, too. There is absolutely nothing revealing about either of them.

"The sounds are crisp and clear in Sonic the Hedgehog. There are a few minor language issues here and there. The music is decent, but certainly not very memorable."
*Listening to "His World" on his iPod* I'm sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention.

The audio department seems to have been skimped upon. The towns people make grunting noises instead of talking, and the player reads the text.
Seriously, did the Ultimate Warrior write this? The grammar's good at points, but then he makes mistakes like "reads the text."

"There is a fair amount of items to collect, and find. There is content download through Xbox Live. In this reviewers opinion the camera issues make this game not worth your hard earned dollars. Which is hard to say because I have always liked Sonic the Hedgehog, but I have to be honest."
That's hard to believe, seeing as how your music and violence gripes are series main-stays. Look back to Sonic Adventure 2, watch GUN robots explode when you hit them, then get back to me on the violence.

"The controls are quick and responsive, but for some reason certain skills took a couple of tries to get working. In a fast paced game that is a serious problem. Level design can also be confusing about how to get from point A to point B. Other times the levels are totally linear. The game is simple enough to learn, but confuses as not everything works right."
Wow, for once legitimate complaints. Trust me, I have this game, and he's actually kinda right here.

"Silver uses psychic powers, and Shadow is a bad guy. There is a difference between allowing players to play them, and forcing players to play them in certain levels."
...What. Seriously, what? This proves he only played Sonic's story, for 2 few reasons. 1. His saying "a few levels" shows that he doesn't know that Shadow and Silver both have their own storylines where you primarily play as them! 2. SHADOW IS NOT A BAD GUY!!! Why would you think that? Because he has a black-and-red color scheme? He's a flippin' government agent in this game! He's trying to stop Eggman, who's effectively a terrorist! How is Shadow a "bad guy?" He doesn't even use guns in this game, just vehicles! Next, what's wrong with Silver's powers? His powers have nothing to do with occultism! He's an expy of Trunks, for crying out loud! You're labeling him as a bad guy because he's psychic!

Professor Xavier is not amused.

"Sonic is out to stop an evil man, and uses violence to achieve his goals. Sega has seriously shamed the Sonic franchise with this game, and going into a more adult styled game hurts the franchise even more. I would recommend passing on this game."
And I'd recommend passing on this review! It is abundantly clear that this reviewer only played Sonic's story, and even then, doesn't really know what he's talking about. This game definitely was a low point in the series, but he didn't even bring up the right reasons, instead griping about violence, non-existent sexual content and characters that he claims are evil for unfounded reasons. If these guys can't even review a bad game, I shudder to think what happens when they try to review a good one! *Looks at list of reviews* Arkham Asylum? Aw fu-