The Ultimate Showdown Of COMPLETELY MISSING THE POINT.

Ultimate Marvel VS Capcom 3 is kind of a tricky game. It's meant to be accessible to newcomers, and, to a point, it is. The controls are simple and easy-to-learn, and the mission mode gives players some sample combos to practice until they can learn the more complex stuff. On the other hand, if you're a casual player, and you fight someone who knows the game inside-and-out...there is no hope for you. You WILL be ended. But enough logical analysis of the game, let's hear what FFG has to say!

Our reviewer is Sam again, a.k.a the only reviewer on this site I have even a modicum of respect for, and that's only for his Mega Man 9 review (ironically, another Capcom game). He starts out by explaining that UMvC3 is a better version of MvC3, there's new content and that he's reviewing the 360 version.
All right, basic stuff so far. I'm not seeing anything too bad.

Sam then describes what a fighting game is and explains how UMvC3 is. My only complaint is that the way he words this paragraph, it seems like he's saying all fighting games involves teams of 3 characters, but still nothing major.

He makes a brief quip about how flashy the Hyper Combos are (but doesn't mention them by name) and then describes UMvC3 as like a club, and that it's "the opposite of a family."
Oh, for the love of... That's like saying that sports are "exclusive" because you won't do well if you don't practice! Families are based around unconditional love and emotional bonds that are formed through living with someone and knowing them. Gaming communities, sports, clubs and the like are based around mutual interest and skill in a certain area. Just because you can't instantly be good at something the second you pick it up doesn't mean it's exclusive!

We then get the usual spiel we get from FFG about female characters wearing revealing outfits, and he mentions that "almost every female character" is dressed like this.
Y'know, except for Trone Bonne, Jill, Phoenix, Amaterasu... 
Isn't she technically naked?
She's a wolf, you sick freak!
Sam then notes that while there is violence, the special attack cover it.
Um...no they don't...Shin Shoryuken, Fourth Wall Crisis, Final Justice, Bionic Maneuvers, Maximum Spider, Tools Of Survival...all of these are attacks that are quite "violent" and clearly shown. If he's talking about projectiles, then he's still wrong! A beam attack isn't covering the violence, the beam is the violence!

Time to talk about sound. Sam gets some respect points for mentioning that the narrator's voice made him feel like he was at the arcade, but loses some for then complaining about language. He does, however, compliment the music, which is, admittedly, one of the cooler aspects of UMvC3.

"Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 contains a dizzying amount of unlockable content."
Um, no it doesn't.
"Two players can bash each others faces in locally, or go online to do it with up to eight players. There are leaderboards so you can see where you stack up."
None of that is unlockable! The only unlockables are Galactus mode, titles and things in the gallery! There are no secret characters, stages or modes. A Gallery full of images and character theme songs is not "dizzying."

And now we get to the true idiocy of the review. Sam essentially splits players of this game into two groups - button mashers and "people who have a degree in the controls." He also says that a button masher like him (he admits this) can win most of their fights and that this "irritates those that take the time to comprehend the fighting system in Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3."
No. No no no. I say thee nay. That is completely wrong. A button masher will not last 5 seconds against someone who knows what they're doing. Furthermore, there is a fairly large difference between "button mashing beginner" and "200-hit combo wielding god."

 Sam warns the reader that this game is an "adults only" game and that despite the point of the game being to defeat Galactus, he feels like he was just "fighting for the sake of fighting."
It's. A fighting. Game. OF COURSE YOU ARE GOING TO BE FIGHTING! Defeating Galactus is only the point of the Arcade mode - most people bought this game to play it against other people, which is, indeed, fighting for the sake of fighting.
 Sam says that he has "matured beyond this" and that he'd rather be out helping people. 

The final paragraph has Sam state that UMvC3 is for adults only, and that it will encourage aggressive behavior in children, "as scientific studies have shown." He ends by asking if you think your children will be able to handle the content in UMvC3.
Video games do not cause violence! Holy crap, how many times are people going to say this?! Look, I'm not going to go into that here - Penn and Teller tackled it quite nicely, I recommend their episode on the subject. Just because a part of the brain lights up doesn't mean that the stimulus in question enhances, encourages or causes any kind of behavior! And no, I don't think small children should play UMvC, and I doubt anyone else would, either - maybe that's why there's a clearly visible "T" on the front of the box!
This review completely lost any credibility near the end, because Sam clearly doesn't know what he's talking about. I have a review in mind for next week, unless someone gives me a request beforehand. Until then, dear readers.