This week we're in for a treat, people. This review was, according to the page, written by the "Working Man Gamer" himself. Who's the Working Man Gamer? Hell if I know! I'm serious, I can't find any information on the site. They don't say who he is, so one can only assume that, given he has his own section on the site, that he's a pretty important guy when it comes to FFG. As such, we can expect his review of Marvel Ultimate Alliance to be informed and thorough, right? ...Right...?
We start out with the usual crap, saying that this review is of a highly anticipated game, and that the WMG is reviewing the 360 version of the game. Fun fact: Although he's admitting that he is only talking about the 360 version, this review is also listed in the PS3 and Wii sections of the site. Oh, and aside from the review being listed in those sections, he gives us no indication in the review itself what other consoles the game is available for.
He then says that the game is a "hack and slash where the hack has been replaced by punch, and the slash by kick." So, a beat-'em-up? That's kinda what it's called. Also, the game is a hack-and-slash. Lots of characters use weapons! Deadpool, Blade, Elektra, Wolverine, the list goes on. The terms are largely interchangeable here. He does mention Wolverine and his claws, but just for a cheap joke about there being "a lot of slashing going on."
He then notes thatgame has a plethora of Marvel heroes and villains, an that Doctor Doom is the main villain, and follows this up by saying that this shouldn't be a surprise. Why not? The main villain could be Galactus, or the Skrulls, or, hell, even Magneto if they wanted to (though that'd be a stretch).
WMG praises the game's top down style, but then complains about how the graphics in the levels are dark. I can't tell if he's talking about tone or actual lighting issues, since he doesn't clarify, so let's move on. He then gripes about the female characters' clothing, like everyone elseon this site!He then says that the game has a lot of violence and that it gets boring quick. The game is a hack. And. Slash. Of course there's going to be violence! That's like complaining that there's too much racing in Mario Kart!
He then describes the sounds as sounding "majestic" and that they make you feel like you accomplished something. I have to say, for once, I agree with this guy. The souds and music in Marvel Ultimate Alliance make you feel like a total badass. Then he immediately loses my respect again by noting bad language and that "certain characters teach bad lessons while a few teach good ones."
The game's rated 'T,' and if I recall, characters swear in comics, too. And the game's not meant to teach lessons! If you want appropriate language and morals, just play as Captain America, not freaking Deadpool!
He then notes that the different characters bring variety and that the game has a lot of level up options for people who like the system. However, he again says that the game has offensive content and that fighting waves of identical mooks gets boring. You said this before. Stating the same point multiple times doesn't make it more correct.
The penultimate "paragraph," if you can call it that, is the shortest yet. We're told that the game "controls like it should..." What in the name of Malpercio does that mean?! It means he's being vague. Moving on, he says that a problem with the controls is that knowing where to go is a challenge, and that most players will just stumble on where to go after a while. Or they could, you know, follow the waypoints on the map. Just sayin'. And what does that have to do with the controls?
And we are finally at the end of this. WMG says that while saving the world is good, being violent is not, and that the game has enough inappropriate content that children shouldn't play it. He finishes the review by saying that there should be "less violence and more puzzles" if there were to be a sequel (which there is). The game's bloodless! Seriously, even the weapon-wielding characters just appear to bludgeon enemies, not slice them! Not to mention that most of your opponents are robots, fantasy creatures of supervillains! And a hack-and-slash needs violence, that's the point of the game! That's like saying Portal should let you bust out an AK to shoot GLaDOS! He deducted a full 33% from the graphics score for the female characters (none of which he named) and the violence, without telling us how the graphics themselves looked! Look, I know my opinion probably doesn't matter much, but this game is not that bad in terms of violence. It's a fun, nerdy hack-and-slash that lets you play as your favorite Marvel characters. Harsh languageis sparse, but present and the combat is easy to learn and simple enough to let anyone pick up and play. The graphics are decent by 360 standards (and pretty mediocre on the Wii) and the music is epic, though repetitive at times. The story is engaging and has several side quests you can do, along with missions that recreate events in the actual comics. There, I just gave you a better review in 4 sentences than this shmuck gave us in 6 paragraphs. Oh, and split-screen multiplayer. I recommend the 360 version. Okay, enough of this multi-console stuff. Maybe these guys would like a Nintendo exclusive game a bit better. How about...Brawl? (Shout out to KUKEDUKE for giving me the suggestion).
Okay, now I know I've only put up 2 posts, but I've decided to make a small one about some general things related to this blog. Namely, my schedule, the rules I've imposed on myself and a question for anyone reading these (you know, both of you).
First off, my schedule. Now, I'm going to try and post at least once a week, usually on Sunday nights. If I miss a post, then I'll most likely put it up in the next few days. If there is ever a reason why I can't post a certain week, then I will address it as soon as I can.
I will take requests, provided I haven't already decided what I'm going to do. For example, last week's post said that the next analysis would be of FFG's review of Marvel: Ultimate Alliance. However, I then received a request for their review of Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Rather than ignore a request, I will instead just put it next on the list, provided the review in question offers up good material (and they usually do). In short, don't hesitate to make requests - they make my job somewhat easier.
Next are my rules. I have a few, so bear with me.
#1. The review must be from FFG (usually). This blog is about FFG, so I'm going to mainly focus on their incoherent ramblings. Down the road, I may branch out, but for now, I'm sticking to these guys. And please, don't ask me to do an analysis of Irate Gamer or anything - we already have people for that.
#2. No heavy swearing. Now, I will indulge in "crap," "hell," "damn," "ass" and numerous variations thereof, but I will try to refrain from the f-word and similar swears as much as I can. This is for two reasons. One is that I don't think swearing excessively is funny in text format, and the other is that I want to prove I can be entertaining without gratuitous swearing (no offense to anyone who does gratuitously swear in their productions.)
#3. No jokes against religion. FFG reviews games based on Christian morals, but this does not mean I'm going to attack the religion. I'm Catholic myself, but this does not mean I can make religious jokes about Christians. My complaints will be about the points in the reviews and the presentation of said points - not the religious views of the subject. This goes for comments, too. If I see a religion-based insult or attack in a comment, that comment will be deleted.
And finally, a simple question - which format do you prefer? The one from my Sonic '06 post, where I directly quote the review? Or the format from the Arkham Asylum post, where I simply summarize it? I'd like feedback on this, so feel free to comment on which one you think is more enjoyable to read. That's all for now. Check back on Sunday for my analysis of FFG's review of Marvel: Ultimate Alliance.
Batman is easily one of the most widely recognizable comic book characters in the world, arguably second only to Superman. So when Batman Arkham Asylum was announced, I got really psyched for it - a dark, grim tone, an in-depth story, use of all of Batman's gadgets and the voice actors from the animated series? i couldn't get my hands on this game fast enough. Evidently, this wasn't acceptable for some people. Which brings me back to Family Friendly Gaming (FFG). They have more than a few complaints about the game, most of which are incredibly stupid. Let's get this over with.
I'm going to experiment here and change up the style from last time. Instead of direct quotes from the review, I'll summarize what is said, with an occasional quote if I want to point out something really noteworthy. I will keep my blue analysis text, but this time the summaries will be in black, with responses still in blue.
The review starts out with our reviewer, named Sam, saying that this review is one of the most anticipated and that Arkham Asylum is amazing, but that FFG doesn't "stop our reviews for these sorts of things." Instead, they review the game based on Christian values and what God says, and that Arkham Asylum has many issues. ...Seriously? You're not going to review the game on its own merits, but instead how it matches up to Christian values? You literally just said you're not going to let the quality of the game sway your opinion of the game's quality. Oh, boy, this is gonna suck...
Sam goes on the explain that Arkham Asylum's visuals are incredibly dark, and that the game is disturbing and that it can cause nightmares. He then asks "who is mentally unhinged to encourage that?" If this guy ever played Resident Evil, Dead Space or Eternal Darkness, he would have a mental breakdown. Arkham Asylum isn't scary, it's dark and gothic! The only scary parts are the Scarecrow segments, because that's what Scarecrow does!
His next complaint is about the way the female characters are dressed and about the copious amounts of violence. Sam notes that it is "in essence, the darkest versions of the comics, having the player become a vigilante." Did it ever occur to you that Batman is a vigilante?! It's kinda his shtick. Arkham Asylum is meant to embody the tone of the comics. It has the tone of the comics, the voices and writers of the animated series, the overall visual style of the movies (the good ones) and its own original continuity to avoid plot-related issues. It's supposed to be combining the best elements of all of Batman's adaptations. Also, there are only two female characters dressed revealingly in this game - and they're both completely insane.
Sam then describes the opening cutscene because...I have no idea, and says that Joker provides comic relief, but that it is "not appropriate." We are then told that the characters swear and that they act at their most extreme, and that the lack of moderationgot tiresome. I'm going to say this one more time - the villains are insane. Literally insane, as in, they have severe mental disordersand illnesses, and thus are not going to be acting logically. Batman acts logically and intelligently, and the other, non-inmate characters also act perfectly fine. It's only the villains who act like nutjobs, which makes perfect sense.
The next paragraph just tells us that the game has a large amount of sidequests, hidden items, upgrades and extra features, and says that the game is worth the price you pay for it. However, there are concerns that the game "draws people away from God." ...What. No, really, what?! How does a video game draw you away from God? How much do you want to bet that we won't get an explanation for this beyond bitching about the violence?
Finally, we're getting close to the end. Sam notes that the controls are neat...then proceeds to talk about how one can go about avoiding violence. Dude! What does that have to do with controls?! Shut up, analysis text! Wait your turn. We are then told about the slowed-down combo finishers (though we're only told that "some hits" are slowed down, showing that the reviewer doesn't actually know that the slowed-down attacks are combo finishers). The review's anti-violence message is then shoved down our throats again when Sam says that "I felt horrible for all the damage my 'Batman' did the these legions of criminals." Wait...so you felt horrible...about knocking out hordes of criminals who are trying to kill you. Not only that, but these are criminals who no doubt did something horrific to begin with, seeing as how they're in Arkham, and they've taken over an entire, fortress-like asylum. Dude, you're so detached from reality, you belong in Arkham Asylum! Oh, thank God, final paragraph. Sam wraps up by telling us that while Batman is supposed to be a hero, he uses bad means to bring about justice, and that the game bothered his spirit. It bothers him more that people say that the game is good, and questions how "mentally absorbing all this evil and violence [draws] you closer to God." Video games aren't meant to "draw you closer to God!" They're meant to tell engaging stories and provide a method of escape from the real world. Who doesn't want to be a colossal badass like Batman? The game is meant to be dark and stylistic, which it definitely achieves. This review would have you believe that Batman is needlessly brutal in his methods, when really the most brutal thing you can do in this game is use the explosive gel, which is specifically said to be non-lethal. Ugh, I can't take this anymore. Next week, we'll look at FFG's review of a Marvel game - Marvel Ultimate Alliance.
With video games being one of the most popular entertainment media nowadays, it makes sense that various sites have popped up to review games, and tell you whether or not a certain game is worth your hard-earned money. Sites like IGN, Blistered Thumbs and Gamespot all exist to tell gamers which games are good and which should be avoided. However, there's always someone who doesn't quite "get" video games, and yet tries to seem like they do. This is one such instance - "Family Friendly Gaming." This website hosts game reviews which, I must admit, are laughably stupid. With these reviews showing research failure and incredibly strange judgements, I have taken it upon myself to pick them apart and show why these people have next to no idea what they're talking about.
Before I begin, allow me to note that, while the reviewers (as there appear to be several) often refer to God in their reviews and often base their assessments on religion, I have nothing against anyone of any faith. I myself am Christian and I harbor no ill will towards anyone of any other religion. With that being said, first up on the chopping block is WMG's review of Sonic The Hedgehog for the 360. For conveniences' sake, text from the original review will be in black, while my commentary is in blue. Why? 'Cause blue is freakin' awesome, that's why!
"Family Friendly Gaming #9 is chock full of all kinds of firsts. Welcome to the very first review of an Xbox 360 game in this fantastic publication. It would have been nice to start with a better game, but we go with what we are blessed with. This game reminds of the Dreamcast version of Sonic the Hedgehog being in full 3D, and having a town to talk to different people." Uh, you mean Sonic Adventure?Becausethat was the first Sonic game to have those elements. 10 seconds on Google could have told you that the game was called Sonic Adventure!
"Dr. Eggman is back at his going after Chaos Emeralds again, and it is up to Sonic to stop him. In an interesting twist, Sonic is now saving a princess (something Mario was always known for)." Wait, which is it? Is Sonic stopping Eggman from going after the Emeralds, or is he rescuing the princess? Oh, and you've got to love the grammar in that first sentence.
"A brand new character Silver is introduced." And...?
"Graphically Sonic the Hedgehog is beautiful." Wait, what? Dude, you can'ttalk about a new character, then just start talking about graphics! Tell us about Silver, what's his story about? What can he do? What does he have to do with Sonic, Eggman and the princess?You're giving your readers narrative whiplash!
"The graphics are generally very bright and colorful. The details of the people, backgrounds, and areas are done quite nicely. The upgrades to Sonic’s model are also noticeable. Cut scenes are just like watching a CGI created movie." Maybe because a cutscene IS a CGI movie! That's like saying "reading 'Inheritance' is just like reading a fantasy novel."
"The down side is psychic powers are used visually by Silver." How are the psychic powers a graphical problem? I've played this game, and Silver's telekinesis doesn't look bad! Or are you talking about how psychic powers are supposedly occult? Because they probably chose telekinesis because it's a common superpower.
"There is some fantasy violence as robots are done away with via player controlled attacks." It's about as violent as Mario! Robots get knocked away and blow up, that's it. I'm surprised he's not bringing up the demons you fight in Crisis City (and a bunch of other places). Those could be considered violent.
"There is also some questionable attire worn by some of the female characters. The biggest problem with this game is the camera which is jerky, bounces, gets in the way, and generally causes a migraine." There is exactly one female character dressed questionably, and that's Rouge. Both Elise and Amy wear dresses, and Elise appears to be wearing something over her legs, too. There is absolutely nothing revealing about either of them.
"The sounds are crisp and clear in Sonic the Hedgehog. There are a few minor language issues here and there. The music is decent, but certainly not very memorable." *Listening to "His World" on his iPod* I'm sorry, what? I wasn't paying attention.
The audio department seems to have been skimped upon. The towns people make grunting noises instead of talking, and the player reads the text. Seriously, did the Ultimate Warrior write this? The grammar's good at points, but then he makes mistakes like "reads the text."
"There is a fair amount of items to collect, and find. There is content download through Xbox Live. In this reviewers opinion the camera issues make this game not worth your hard earned dollars. Which is hard to say because I have always liked Sonic the Hedgehog, but I have to be honest." That's hard to believe, seeing as how your music and violence gripes are series main-stays. Look back to Sonic Adventure 2, watch GUN robots explode when you hit them, then get back to me on the violence.
"The controls are quick and responsive, but for some reason certain skills took a couple of tries to get working. In a fast paced game that is a serious problem. Level design can also be confusing about how to get from point A to point B. Other times the levels are totally linear. The game is simple enough to learn, but confuses as not everything works right." Wow, for once legitimate complaints. Trust me, I have this game, and he's actually kinda right here.
"Silver uses psychic powers, and Shadow is a bad guy. There is a difference between allowing players to play them, and forcing players to play them in certain levels." ...What.Seriously, what? This proves he only played Sonic's story, for 2 few reasons. 1. His saying "a few levels" shows that he doesn't know that Shadow and Silver both have their own storylines where you primarily play as them! 2. SHADOW IS NOT A BAD GUY!!! Why would you think that? Because he has a black-and-red color scheme? He's a flippin' government agent in this game! He's trying to stop Eggman, who's effectively a terrorist! How is Shadow a "bad guy?" He doesn't even use guns in this game, just vehicles! Next, what's wrong with Silver's powers? His powers have nothing to do with occultism! He's an expy of Trunks, for crying out loud! You're labeling him as a bad guy because he's psychic!
Professor Xavier is not amused.
"Sonic is out to stop an evil man, and uses violence to achieve his goals. Sega has seriously shamed the Sonic franchise with this game, and going into a more adult styled game hurts the franchise even more. I would recommend passing on this game." And I'd recommend passing on this review! It is abundantly clear that this reviewer only played Sonic's story, and even then, doesn't really know what he's talking about. This game definitely was a low point in the series, but he didn't even bring up the right reasons, instead griping about violence, non-existent sexual content and characters that he claims are evil for unfounded reasons. If these guys can't even review a bad game, I shudder to think what happens when they try to review a good one! *Looks at list of reviews* Arkham Asylum? Aw fu-
Quick question - who here remembers Ed, Ed N Eddy? You know, that old show on Cartoon Network about 3 idiot friends who would always try to scam for money and fail completely? God, I miss that show! Modern TV sucks, and it'd be good to see something like that again. Luckily, the writers have acknowledged this and actually created the perfect way to end the series. The movie starts out with the Cul De Sac in complete ruin. Furthermore, many of the residents are heavily injured, like Nazz's hair being shaved off, Johnny with a bear trap stuck on his head, and the left half of Rolf's torso having been BITTEN OFF. The Eds are seen packing their belongings and attempting to leave, until the kids attempt to break into Eddy's house to beat up the Eds. They hide in Eddy's Brother's room, where they find the key to his car (which is also in his room - go figure.) and drive off with it. The rest of the movie is just the Eds trying to find Eddy's Brother's house so he can protect them from the wrath of their pursuers. There are a few subplots involved, however, making this feel like an actual movie, and not just an hour and a half long episode. One of these is Nazz and Kevin's developing relationship, where they actually appear to have great feelings for each other, but Kevin's too obsessed with his bike to pay attention to her. Another would be Rolf's solo pursuit of the "ed Boys," utilizing many unorthodox techniques to locate them. My personal favorite, however, would have to be the Kankers. did you really think there could be an Ed, Edd N Eddy movie without them? Once Jimmy accidentally lets them know that the Eds are being chased, the Kankers set out to search for them because THEY'RE the only ones who get to beat up the Eds.The movie, though it's based on a cartoon, is quite serious when compared to its source material. Ed and Eddy laugh at a sexual joke, and they even appear to DIE at one point. There's also an argument where Eddy blames himself for everything that happened, and Double-D is about to go home. The regular comedy stays true, however, and it's just as funny as it was years ago! This movie even shows Eddy's Brother in person! And he is a DOUCHE! The movie culminates in front of his trailer, with all the kids, the Eds and the Kankers all there. Eddy knocks on the door and his brother comes out - only to belittle and pummel him. The kids actually stand up for Eddy, who is seriously injured when he hits his brother in the face with a door accidentally (I'm serious!). Eddy finally admits that everything he said about his brother was a lie, and that he only said it to make people like and respect him. The kids all rush Eddy, and I won't tell you anything else. Trust me, the ending's a shocker, but it was the perfect way to finish the series. If they made a Season 7, I have to say, I'm not sure if I'd watch. The ending was just too well done for them to continue on. Just best to let Ed, Edd and Eddy rest, after 130 episodes, 4 specials and a movie.
Alright, my first entry! While I used to do video game reviews on Youtube, I've moved on to text reviews here, and I thought I'd do something new.
So, let's get started.I love animes. Full Metal Alchemist, One Piece, they're all awesome. However, 3 in particular have struck me as being quite similar in their presentation, and I've decided to do an...ANIME BATTLE TO THE DEATH!!1!ONE! Just kidding; I will, however, compare them in great detail, and our 3 Candidates are:Naruto (The original anime, not Shippuden)Yu Yu Hakusho and Dragonball Z.Everyone clear? OK, then let's begin.
Part 1 - Intros and Openings
For this part, I'll be comparing the English, dubbed, first-season intros. "An opening needs to draw in an audience with an opening that all around fits the show and scenes that make people want to watch it and know what it's about so they dont waste their time watching a show they hated." (My friend Iggs of "Last Insanity" said that) The reason I'm only comparing dubbed openings is because this review is geared towards English-speaking audiences, who are most likely to just go watch the dubs.
Let's start with Naruto.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XWx5EJWonmc
This intro is so-so. The music kicks ass, and really makes you expect an action-packed show. The video, however, is sub-par, It shows some highlights from the show, including some action scenes, but it doesn't let us know if all these characters are on the same side. It also has no rhyme or reason, flashing scenes so quickly its gone before your brain can process what it just saw. It's basically just a music video of the series using the theme song!
5/10
Moving on to Yu Yu Hakusho
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DehmPOkrtRc
In effect, this intro is the exact opposite of the Naruto opening. The scenes show you exactly who's together and the characters, but the music is....eh. If you listen to the lyrics, there's definitely a focus on teamwork, and it basically is saying that they need each other or they're going to get their asses handed to them. The music itself, however, is weak compared to the songs other action-based shows have.
7/10Finally we come to Dragonball Z
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqEYuzD5RcE
One could say this opening is the same as Naruto's and, in a way, you're right. It's a bunch of scenes from the show with the theme song playing. But look at it again. It shows all the characters in a positive light, displaying how powerful they all are. It doesn't really, unfortunately, show their affiliation, except with some shots that go by so fast you need to watch them multiple times in order to figure out who the hell just flew past the screen!6/10
Winner: Yu Yu Hakusho
Part 2 - Characters
Characters make the show, there's no way around this. Even if you made a show about kumquats, the kumquats would be the characters! So, let's look at the characters of these shows and see who's the most badass. We'll start with main characters.Naruto Uzumaki - This kid annoys me. His voice is irritating, he looks too immature to star in any show that contains blood and violence, and he wears orange. WHAT THE HELL KIND OF NINJA WEARS AN ORANGE JUMPSUIT?! If you're hiding in a tree wearing orange, trying to sneak up on me, guess what? I CAN SEE YOU! But I digress. You know how in a show or game, the character will start out weak, but in time grow more powerful as the series progresses? Well, Naruto doesn't do that. He starts out weak, and stays a wimp. Sure, he gets more techniques and jutsus, along with his demon forms, but his base state doesn't get any stronger. Instead, he beats most of his opponents through sheer luck. Naruto's character is nothing but an annoying wimp.
3/10
Yusuke Urameshi - This. Character. Kicks. ASS! What's better than a street punk with a serious attitude? A street punk with serious attitude that can shoot spirit energy from his index finger! Yusuke may seem like your stereotypical "I only care about myself" jerk, but he actually has great respect for his peers, and will do anything to protect his friends. There is one flaw, however. While I love it when the hero's taken a merciless beating from the villain, only to get up again and start kicking ass, YUSUKE CAN'T STOP DOING IT! Seriously, in one fight, I counted Yusuke getting up no less than 3 times! It gets to the point where you almost don't feel the suspense of Yusuke getting knocked down, because I know he's just gonna get right back up again. There's being badass, and then there's just overdoing it.7/10
Son Goku - At a glance, Goku just seems like your traditional fighter. He beats people up, gets stronger, and protects the galaxy from evil. But if you look beyond that, you'll see a character full of compassion and trust. He fights alongside his friends, but also hates putting them in danger. He is also a fair fighter, as he has purposefully given energy to a villain so he can escape being destroyed by an exploding planet, even though said villain was the one who caused it! He also heals a villain his son is about to fight, to ensure that his son's potential is fully tested. He is, however, too trusting at times. Remember that villain I mentioned that Goku healed in order to escape the exploding planet? Yeah, that guy turned right around and trited to kill him! Way to go, greatest warrior in the universe... His appetite is second to none, and could quite literally eat forever, though this is explained as being part of his alien biology.
9/10
Winner: Goku
PART 3 - Supporting Cast
Part 3.1 "The Brooding Emo Rival"
Yeah, every show has one of these. that character that distant, depressing character that has hordes of fangirls who all want to draw some awkward picture of or write a rather disturbing fanfiction about him making out with another male character. Ew. This character type is inescapable, and you will find one in almost any TV show or series you watch, be they good or evil. Ironically, all 3 shown here have been both.
Sasuke Uchiha - I don't have much to say about this guy. He seems to be a skilled fighter, and will do anything to win, even cheating in a test. He doesn't think very highly about Naruto, (a trait I share with him) and thinks he's completely incompetent. Once Naruto starts getting better at fighting, however, Sasuke begins fearing that Naruto will become better than him. All this cuses him to turn evil after being marked with some evil seal or some crap like that, and begin acting like a total DOUCHE, betraying his village and going to join the villain who wants to STEAL HIS BODY. All of this is to get revenge on the person who slaughtered his family (no spoilers). All in all, Sasuke's decent, but pretty bland.
5/10
Hiei - If anyone could prove that short people kick ass, it's Hiei. He starts out as a villain, having stolen an ancient sword that turns anything it slashes into a vicious beast, but gets stopped by Yusuke through some quick thinking. Afterwards, he is recruited by the leader of Spirit World to help Yusuke in a mission, and becomes a steady ally afterwards. He has respect for strong fighters, but pays little attention to ones he deems too weak. He can easily dispatch most foes in a few seconds, and the ones he can't usually only take an episode or 2. If you don't already think this guy's badass, HE SHOOTS FLAMES FROM THE PITS OF HELL OUT OF HIS HAND IN THE FORM OF A GIANT DRAGON!!!
9/10
Vegeta - Another person with "Hiei Syndrome," Vegeta starts out short and mean, and becomes.....average height, and mean. He initially went to Earth to blow it up, along with his partner (NOT LIKE THAT, FANGIRLS!!!) Nappa after their comrade Raditz was killed by Goku and his rival Piccolo. Nappa dies and Vegeta gets his ass kicked, (Goku's power level was over 9000, you see.)and returns to his employer, the evil tyrant Frieza. Long story short, Frieza tries to kill him, and Vegeta begins a new life on Eart. Vegeta is incredibly powerful, and is jealous of Goku every time he achieves a new level of power. He is an honorable fighter, and always tests his strength by taking on more powerful opponents. His pride as the prince of Saiyans is as immense as his power, and it is the force that fuels his determination. This does, however, make him into a sort of Goku wanna-be, always fuming over the power Goku displays and ignoring the fact that Goku saved his ass! He does show a great amount of respect, on the other hand, showing that, while he appears to dislike Goku, he knows that he'll aways have his back.
7/10
Winner: Hiei
Part 3.2 "The Effeminate Ally"
Another common character, this guy isn't exactly GAY, just has long hair and a smooth voice. Did I just contradict myself? Anyway, this guy is the one that most likely has the most fangirls (not counting the MILLIONS the emo guy has, that's like comparing the audience at a rock concert to the attendance of a public paint-drying competition) and they will also have awkward pictures or stories about them. Anime fandom reeks of creepiness.
Neji Hyuga - Ah, Neji. You were slightly respectable. Neji has a bit of a rivalry with his fellow clan member, Hinata. They're both in different classes of their clan, and he HATES HER FOR IT. Neji's a skilled fighter, and can use his byakugan vision to spot weak points and stop his opponent using counter-attacks, making any and all strategies null and void. Pretty awesome. Unfortuneately, Neji shows as much emotion as a cardboard box at times, and can be boring to watch.
6/10
Kurama/Suichi Minamino - Kurama's awesome. His weapon is a rose, he's actually a demon fox in a human body (Sorry Naruto, but Kurama can pull it off.) and he has AWESOME hair. He is anunderstanding person, who always resolves arguements peacefully. He is also extremely caring and noble, doing what's right and what's needed, and was even willing to sacrifice his own life to save his human mother. Kurama is the one character I've found with no visible flaws.
10/10
Future Trunks - Oh boy, I'm gonna get hate mail for this one. But think about it for a sec, ok? He's got the longest hair of any non-transformed male character, and is never shown getting a girlfriend. Coincidence? Probably, but he's the closest character to fit the bill. (If you don't want spoilers, scroll down to the next section) He's the son of Vegeta and Bulma FROM THE FUTURE!!! *Dramatic music, thunderclaps* As such, he has inherited Bulma's analyst attitude and Vegeta's immense power. Coupled with his experiences in the apocalyptic future, these traits make him a very formidable fighter. HE is, however, a really friendly guy, and gives Goku medicine from the future in order to prevent him from dying from a fatal heart virus. (Why this doesn't cause a time paradox and destroy all reality, I'll never understand)
8/10
Winner: Kurama
Part 3.3: Mentors
Our characters didn't learn all they know by themselves, did they? NO! They had a teacher, a role model, someone to teach them their skills and someone to look up to. So, without further ado, let's begin. (I couldn't think of a stylish intro for this, deal with it)
Jiraiya - Man, even in the edited English version, this guy's a perv. Every chance he has to possibly hit on a woman, he does, even abondoning Naruto during his training, especially when the training becomes POTENTIALLY LETHAL! Sure, he teaches the Rasengan (more on that later) and how to summon a....giant toad, and he's an ancient ninja veteran, but he just seems negligent, and i simply cannot respect him.
3/10
Genkai - Genkai is perfect. Just gonna get right out and say it. Her character has no flaws to speak of. She comes off as a demanding old lady who's incredibly strict in her training excercises, but she's actually very understanding, and cares for her pupil, Yusuke. She teaches him that you have to earn things in life, and work hard for them, and good opportunities won't be handed to you on a platter. She seems to orchestrate most of the story involved with her, and is an amazingly badass fighter. Genkai is even able to defeat enemies who utilize high amounts of spirit energy even once she has given hers up to Yusuke. She does this by STEALING IT FROM HER OPPONENT! She has also shown enough fighting prowess to beat a magical clown (I'm not kidding) so hard that his face was an unrecognizable mess! You don't f*** with Genkai.
11/10 (She's THAT awesome)
Master Roshi - What is it with anime and perverts?! No, I'm not talking about furries, yaoi fangirls (I can thank Iggs for giving me a description of what that is that will never leave the "Horribly Disturbing Images" part of my brain) and non-canon romances. I'm talking about perverted characters. Case in point, Master Roshi is our topic. While not as bad as Jiraiya (seeing as how he doesn't abandon his students in the middle of training) he can be kinda creepy at times. This is his only flaw. In the original Dragon Ball series, Roshi was incredibly poweful, and could easily best Goku in a fight. He was also the creator of the series' catchphrase and Goku's signature move; the Kamehameha Wave!
To those who don't know what a "frenemy" is, I'll give you a brief description. A frenemy can be summarized in the term "that jerk that you always hated and never thought you would work with in your entire life, but now you have to, so just deal and get it over with as quickly as possible." Everyone clear on that? Good, let's begin.
Kiba Inuzuka - Ha! Thought I'd put Sasuke again, didn't you?! Nope, there are no repititions on this comparison! Kiba makes a good example becuase the first thing we see him and Naurto do together is trying to kill each other! Then when they're put on a tema, they won't stop bitching about each other! Every decision they make is put down by the other and they don't get anything done until they sort things out. Unfortuneately, this doesn't have any lasting effect on the series in particular, so the rating's pretty low.
5/10
Kazuma Kuwabara - Kuwabara starts out as your basic street punk; he has a gang, he's always ready for a fight and tries to invade other gangs' territory. He starts as an antagonist for Yusuke, and always wants to prove he's better at fighting. Later, however, he becomes insturmental to Yusuke coming back to life. Once Yusuke is back, he and Kuwabara becomes fast friends, and Kuwabara aids him on his first big mission. The relationship is very well-executed and feels realistic, as you see them go from rivals to best buds.
8/10
Piccolo - Ah, Piccolo. You start out as a villain, die, have a son named the same thing (that's who we're focusing on, by the way) become a villain again and kick some serious ass until you're beat. That was all in Dragon Ball. In Z, his first appearance is in the first episode, as the first person Raditz confronts (not counting the farmer with a rifle and half a minute of screen time.) and is no match for him. All he did with his energy attack was, as Raditz put it, "singe some of his leg hair." He makes a temporary alliance with Goku to defeat this new menace. Goku tells Piccolo to shoot Raditz while he holds Raditz down, killing them both, to which Piccolo complies, trying to kill two birds with one Special Beam Cannon. After learning that more Saiyans like Raditz, only more powerful, are coming to Earth, Piccolo "volunteers" to train Gohan after he exhibits enormous power. By "volunteer" I mean that he just takes Gohan and says that he'll give him back in a year. As the series progresses, Piccolo evolves from nemesis to honorable mentor, and is quite possibly the best bad-guy-to-good-guy transition I've ever seen.
9/10
Winner: Piccolo
Part 4 - Villains
Who doesn't love a good villain? Villains can make or break a series. If they're good, people will keep watching so that they can see them die, but if the villains are bad, you'll just want to see the WRITERS' INEVITABLE DEATHS! So, which evil mastermind's the best? Let's look at the first big, badass villains the series shows that actually pose a significant threat and find out.
Orochimaru - I don't know much about this guy, since I missed ONE FREAKIN' EPISODE WHICH APPARENTLY HAD ABOUT TWELVE BILLION IMPORTANT PLOT POINTS IN IT!!! From what I know, he's a ninja who was exiled for practicing forbidden techniques. Okay, I'll give the Naruto show some credit, that's pretty cool. He wants to conquer the entire world with his forbidden jutsus, but after being crippled by the 3rd Hokage (basically a REALLY good ninja) he needs to find a new body, because it turns out arms that don't move aren't very good for ninja hand signs. He recruits Sasuke (look in the "Brooding Emo Rival" section for more info) as he is the most viable candidate. All in all, Orochimaru is, in my opinion, one of the only things Naruto did right.
9/10
Toguro -I'm going to give this paragraph up to my friend Iggy, as she has MUCH more experience with this show than I do. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm getting out of here before she shows up.
(The original paragraph that was here has been kidnapped, gagged, and thrown into a closet by Iggy from “Last Insanity”)
Toguro from Yu Yu Hakusho is probably one of the most easily identifiable characters in the show. Three things really make him memorable, his sunglasses which he always wears, his shoulder monkey of a brother, and, of course, his enormous muscles. He was once a human, but was turned into a powerful B Class demon as his prize for winning the dark tournament. He spends the next fifty year killing demons mercilessly in hopes of a true fight that will force him to use 100% of his power. He found the challenge in Yusuke, Genkai’s student, who ironically was a good ally and friend to Toguro when he was a human. Yusuke does beat him, but not before Toguro deals his share of seemingly irreversible damage. He is without a doubt a great villain. He survives for a season and a half, something villains in Yu Yu Hakusho rarely do. Also, he goes undefeated the entire time (except for when he pretended to lose, but he was paid, so that doesn’t count). Because of his need for a fight, he causes much bloodshed and kills many, getting a twisted, sadistic pleasure from it. He would also do anything to pull out his enemy’s potential, even senselessly murdering someone who wasn’t even involved in the fight. Also, he has the tendency to be a total asshole while he fights. Toguro also has a sophisticated side and treats his victims with the deepest respect. Toguro is a great example of a murderous gentleman. His only flaw however is that no one knows anything about him, even his motives. Normally, when a villain dies, they either tell the hero everything or the hero finds it out after he’s killed said villain. When Toguro dies, you think you have him figured out, but then Koenma goes and completely rapes every idea you thought was right. This leave your original idea probably intact, but hazy of the most part. All in all, Toguro’s a good character, but it would be easier for the people who did not watch the show five complete times (like myself) if they knew about this guy more.
8.6/10
Thank you for your time, and no, Random Man, you aren’t getting your old paragraph back.
She gone yet? Good. Oh, man, she's nuts!
I heard that!
O.......K.........Let's move on.
Frieza - How can you go wrong with an evil space lizard who wants to use ancient artifacts to gain immortality and conquer the universe?! Answer: You can't! Frieza was an AWESOME villain, sadistic, cold and uncaring, shrugging off attacks, both physical and verbal, as if they were nothing. Even when he's about to die, Frieza still fights to win until he gets blown away by Super Saiyan Goku. (SPOILERS HO!!!) He even comes back as a cyborg to kill Goku, but is killed in about 15 seconds by Future Trunks. (Spoilers gone now) Frieza does, however, lose points in terms of looks. His first form looks like a little kid and his second form looks like the bastard son of his first form, a gorrila and a bull (I just KNOW that creepy people on Deviantart are going to draw that. Please notify me when said person is arrested for some form of drug possession or sexual offense on an iguana). His third form's the worst, making me question why the director of Alien hasn't sued the creators of DBZ yet. His final form, however, is simply badass, proving that less can really be much more.
8/10
Winner: *sigh* Orochimaru...
Part 5 - Signature Moves
OK, Iggs has pointed out that this section is, in effect, pointless. But, since these attacks are the ones you'll be seeing the most in whichever series is being discussed, so I'm putting it in anyway because I just want to. Skip it if you wish, these scores will not be counted towards the final tally. This section will be judged in 3 categories - Power, Versatility and Badassery . Power is, of course, how strong the attack is, especially when compared to other attacks in the series. Versatility means the different ways the character is able to use it to manage differing situations, and Badassery means how awesome the attack or character looks or is used.
Rasengan - Naruto's signature move, fangirls LOVE to pretend this thing could destroy ANYTHING, but the biggest thing I've seen it even BREAK is a small water tower! He might destroy a mountain if he gets stronger, seeing as how the water tower thing happened when he was new to the attack. I do have to give Naruto some credit, though; he was creative enough to learn to throw the dang thing to cut down on the energy cost.
Power 5/10
Versatility 7/10
Badassery 3/10
Overall Score 15/30
Spirit Gun - OK, describing the spirit gun to people who know almost nothing about Yu Yu Hakusho... Basically, its a techniqque that fires the energy given off by your soul in a concentrated blast from your index finger powerful enough to punch through a sheet of metal. Over the series, Yusuke gains 3 different "upgrades" to the attack; the Shotgun, which just fires a huge, near unavoidable WALL OF BULLETS at the target, the Spirit Wave, an attack so versatile that if I were discussing IT then there'd be no point in HAVING a versatility category (the score in that area for the Spirit Wave would be OVER 9000!!!) and the Demon Gun, basically a Spirit Gun on Demon Energy steroids. Now, the Spirit Gun is used only by Yusuke, and unlike the Rasengan, its obtained within the first few episodes. He uses it against the first two big villains, Rando and Suzaku, and obtains the ability to fire 4 a day later, when he was earlier limited to just one a day, unless he gets more power from somewhere. While it isn't more powerful then the Gun, the Spirit Wave is more effective and is most useful when channeled throgh a punch or kick. Damn, spirit energy rocks.
Power 7/10
Versatility 6/10
Badassery 8/10
Overall Score 21/30
The Kamehameha Wave - KA...ME...HA...ME...HAAAAA!!! Now that my inner nerd is out, let me tell you, this is one bitch of an energy blast! When we first saw it in Dragonball, it had the power to extinguish an ENORMOUS fire, and that was only Master Roshi, not Goku. Unlike the Rasengan and Spirit Gun, with 2 or 3 different variations, there are about31 DIFFERENT KAMEHAMEHA ATTACKS! While you would THINK this would increase the versatility score for this attack, but about 90% of them are just bigger blasts! There's the Super Kamehameha, Solar Kamehameha, Feet Kamehameha, Jet Kamehameha, Double Kamehameha (God bless Copy and Paste function) there's too many, and most of them aren't even seperate attacks, they're combinations with other attacks or just mulitple Kamehamehas fired at one point by different characters! However, the Kamehameha does have one thing no other attack can compare with; if used carelessly, it could destroy the planet!
Power 12/10
Versatility 5/10 (all the variations are usually just bigger attacks)
Badassery 10/10
Overall Score 27/10
Winner: Kamehameha Wave Part 6 - Plot
Let's face it. Even with an awesome villain, kickass character, great supporting cast and incredible attacks, without a story to put them in, they just float around in your head pointlessly until you forget the concepts. Plot is the most important part of a story, and as such, I have saved my plot analysis for the last section. Let's dig right in, so I can finish this and go to bed!
Naruto - Naruto's plot, I have to admit, had a lot of potential. I mean, a secret village with a school for ninjas, with the main protagonist being a kid ninja with a fox demon sealed in his body? That's just awesome! UNLESS they never elaborate on the school itself, the main characters are as annoying as jackhammers who also happen to be console fanboys and the plot doesn't bring up 3 million details in one episode you happened to miss because you weren't home! Because of this, I still barely know who the hell Orochimaru is, I needed Wikipedia for backstory, but used my knowledge of the character from seeing him on the show. Also, as Random DCE on Youtube mentioned, its kind of pointless to make the main character a ninja IN THE FIRST EPISODE!!! A better premise would have been Naruto trying to become a ninja all the while controlling the demon inside of him.
4/10
Yu Yu Hakusho -
Ok, so the plot of Yu Yu Hakusho can be described as- What are you doing back here?! Wait! No no no no no no no! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!
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Hey, it’s Iggs again. Upon my own decision, I believe I am more qualified to review Yu Yu Hakusho. I think anyone who watched it five times to its entirety would be.
Ok, Yu Yu Hakusho takes place in an unnamed town in Japan (seriously, it has no name) in the 90’s. Yusuke, our hero dies within the first three seconds of the show. Botan, The Chief Pilot of the River Styx (or the grim reaper in our modern perception of a messenger of death), tells him that no one expected him to die, because he acted against his personality and got hit by a car saving a young boy. She brings him to Koenma, Prince of the Spirit World, to give him another chance at life, but only after completing an ordeal. Yusuke passes and is offered a second chance, but he has to be a Spirit Detective, one who protects humans from demons or apparitions as they are sometimes called. Yusuke is eventually joined by his rival, Kuwabara, who eventually became his best friend, Kurama, once a spirit fox who was made a legend by being a notorious thief, and the still mostly evil Hiei, a small demon who enjoys killing and bloodshed. Together they kill demons and stop power hungry humans.
The plot is defiantly high on my list, definitely more in depth than most other plots (quite honestly, I find Dragon Ball Z to have a rather thin plot). It is mostly fighting, which is a hard genre to get a good plot about.What makes it so good is that here is no confusion on who’s on which side and their power remains on a level that can actually exist that also make sense with the chemistry of the earth and every other planet (one of the reasons I don’t like DBZ). Also, what I find very important for adding depth to a plot; it is very clear on what they are fighting for, the safety of their friends, family, and everyone else in the world. They don’t treat fights like a game or as a way to get powerful. Their resolve is fueled by their need to protect those whom they care deeply about (note: this does apply to Hiei, he may only seem to want to kill, but he is really protecting his sister, his honor, and the rest of the team who he eventually accepts as his friends, the word used loosely of course… very, very loosely) (note again: I’m not being a bitch to Hiei, he is actually my favorite anime character of all time, I just say it as it is).
So what makes for a good fighting anime can be found in Yu Yu Hakusho, no confusion to whose good and evil, their power makes sense, and their reason to fight. If you’ve seen the anime before and liked it, you got a good head on, if you didn’t like it, I will hunt you down, and if you didn’t watch, you better do so before I hunt you down too, because Yu Yu Hakusho owns.
11.7/10
… Your original narrator might wake up… oh well, where’s the cereal?
Owww! OK, Iggs, I'm getting REALLY tired of that! Anyway, Yu Yu Hakush-wait, what's all this text doing here? Ah, damn it, she hijacked my review! Eh, whatever.
Dragonball Z - There is almost NO plot for this show. It's about a man named Goku who finds out he's an alien. He lives on a planet where there are 7 magical spheres called the Dragonballs, which can grant nearly any wish. Each season introduces a new villain, and the rest is just....hitting. A LOT of hitting. Yeah, the plot's pretty bland, but the character development shown (see Vegeta) makes up for it.
6/10
Well, that's about all you need to know to watch any of these shows, but that's not why we're here. We're here to see who wins. And so, in second place, Dragonball Z. third place belongs to Naruto, and thus the ultimate winner is Yu Yu Hakusho! Thanks for reading this review, and I hope you watch this series; it kicks ASS!
